Do you remember getting in trouble as a little kid and getting sent to a time-out? As you sat there, you raged internally (or externally) until your parents decided that enough time had passed or you had cooled off. That time-out chair witnessed tears, yelling, defiance, and myriad other difficult emotions. Time-out was never a fun experience because it forced you to sit with your difficult emotions.
Intense emotions aren't only part of your childhood. Life is full of frustration and disappointment. You are bound to feel upset and angry.
For those who haven't learned to navigate difficult emotions, the instinct to quickly manage discomfort is natural. That's why some people turn to substances. At our addiction recovery centers, many of our clients started using drugs and alcohol as a quick fix for smoldering feelings. That can work in the short term to quell the wave of anxiety, depression, or anger, but it's neither an appropriate nor a lasting solution.
The "Why" Behind Emotional Avoidance
The instinct to avoid pain is your most fundamental survival mechanism. Most of the time, you want this instinct. It helps you avoid literal harm and keeps you safe. Sometimes, however, your mind's desire to keep you safe prevents you from confronting necessary discomfort.
Much like how touching a hot stove rings alarm bells in our head, feelings of grief, shame, and anxiety also trigger the alarm bells. Your brain will do anything to avoid living with those painful emotions. As a result, you may self-sabotage, isolate yourself, or turn to substances.
When avoidance is your default response to discomfort, whether large or small, it suppresses your negative emotions. And suppressed emotions don't just disappear if they are covered up. These emotions accumulate until you can't take it anymore.
The Effects of Unprocessed Emotions
Without processing your emotions, you begin to carry an increasing burden. For some, pent-up emotions correlate to heightened anxiety. For others, they manifest as emotional numbness and an inability to connect with others. Irritability, chronic fatigue, physical tension, difficulty sleeping, and depression are also common symptoms.
When the pain of these burdens starts to add up, you can quickly reach a breaking point. You need fast relief, and substances can feel like a good option. In fact, for some people, they may feel like the only option.
How Substances Fill the Gap
There are two broad categories of substances: depressants and stimulants.
Depressants: Common depressants include alcohol, opioids, and benzodiazepines, which are prescription tranquilizers used to treat anxiety and panic disorders. These drugs work by calming your central nervous system, which slows brain communication. When you use these substances, they produce a relaxing, almost euphoric effect. They separate you from the reality of your anxiety.
Stimulants: Stimulants do the opposite of depressants. They stimulate brain transmission, making you hyper-aware, euphoric, and energetic. Some common examples include Ritalin, Adderall, nicotine, and cocaine. These substances cause a massive release of dopamine, the feel-good brain chemical, in your brain. If you have depression, stimulants blunt the flatness of depression and give you large bursts of energy you might not feel on your own.
While these drugs do provide relief to your difficult emotions temporarily, they fail to address the underlying problems, and they cause far more problems than they're worth. With continued usage, the substances you use won't be enough to dull the pain, and you will have to take more and more until you've become dependent on them.
Short-Term Relief Creates Long-Term Problems
When you form a dependence on substances, you change your brain's chemistry. You train it to need substances for happiness and motivation. You can't self-regulate or even go 24 hours without using substances. The drive to use substances rules your life. Nothing matters: not school, work, friends, or partners.
And on top of that, substances are a terrible bandage for your unaddressed emotional problems. You still have anxiety, depression, trauma, shame, and guilt. But now, you have damaged relationships, guilt, and the physical toll of addiction to worry about.
Substances may help you manage your difficult emotions short-term, but they will devastate your life. That's why it is important to learn to confront and heal your emotions.
Process Your Emotions the Right Way
To process difficult emotions, you must learn to acknowledge them, understand why they exist, and let them go without acting out or suppressing them. This is a learnable skill, and while it may not come naturally to you, professional support can help. Here are three ways you can navigate your difficult emotions and heal from your addiction.
Therapy: A therapeutic setting provides the tools you need to process and tolerate your emotions. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you examine the thought patterns that increase your emotional distress and learn to replace them with more accurate thoughts. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) focuses specifically on emotional regulation and distress tolerance. DBT teaches you to sit with difficult feelings and learn to find comfort in the uncomfortable.
Recovery Community: A recovery community surrounds you with others who are going through the same thing you are. It allows you to express your emotions without judgment. A men's or women's support group is a safe environment where you can say what you are actually feeling. You can find mentors to guide you when you don't feel strong enough on your own. The people in your recovery community can help you fight urges and find hope.
Men's or Women's Substance Abuse Treatment Programs: Depending on the nature of your addiction, you may need higher-level support. Residential centers understand that your addiction stems from past trauma or negative mental health. In these centers, you will have a team of trained mental health and medical professionals to help you in a safe and contained environment. Slowly, you will learn to live without substances and prepare yourself for the pressures of everyday life.
Break the Cycle of Emotional Avoidance
Honesty is the only way to end your cycle of emotional avoidance and substance use. It's time to realize that avoiding your emotions or using substances to cope is not healthy. With help, you can gain a new lease on life and leave your addiction behind.
For more information, ask about our men's and women's programs at our treatment centers in SLC, Logan, and St. George, Utah, or in Boise, Rupert, Middleton, and Heyburn, Idaho.
