If you've loved someone who is in the throes of addiction, you've probably heard the lies. Your loved one says they need money for car issues or school, but in reality, it's to pay for their next high. The constant cover stories and denial in the face of plain evidence are hurtful and exhausting.
It's not that the person with the addiction wakes up each day wanting to pull one over on you. It's that dishonesty and addiction seem to go hand in hand. Read on to understand why addiction comes with so much deceit and how an addiction recovery center can help.
Dishonesty Starts as a Survival Tool
Lying about substance abuse starts as a defense mechanism. Addiction is often a way to cope with deep pain, poor mental health, or horrible living situations. Substances become lifelines. They bring relief that can feel almost magical.
We don't say this to condone addiction, but to explain why addictions form and why people fight so hard to stay in addiction. Their brains have trained them to need substances to survive. So, to preserve their coping mechanisms, people with an addiction do whatever they can to get their substance of choice.
Here's where the dishonesty side of addiction comes into play. Let's say you went to your brother and asked, "Can I borrow some money so I can get high tonight?" Your brother would likely say no. But what if you said, "Can I borrow some money so I can fix my broken car?" In this scenario, you would be more likely to get money.
Honesty about substance abuse raises questions and concerns. It opens the door for loved ones to pressure people to stop using. It jeopardizes relationships, employment, and housing. So, when people aren't ready to stop or don't believe they have a problem, dishonesty is a way to maintain their substance use and "normal" life.
The Weight of Shame
Shame is one of the biggest reasons for dishonesty in addiction. The choices people made while using, the relationships they strained or broke, the responsibilities they dropped: all of that can harden into low self-worth. Shame convinces people that if others knew about their addiction, they would end up rejected or abandoned. Dishonesty becomes a shield.
But the painful irony is that lying only creates more of a burden. Carrying secrets is exhausting. The bigger the gap between a person's actual life and the life they show the world, the more isolated and shameful they feel.
Self-Deception
The biggest lie of addiction is, "I can stop whenever I want." Substances hijack the brain and take over your pleasure center and control circuits. People stop seeing reality clearly. In their mind, everything is perfect. They choose to focus on the parts of their life that aren't falling apart to justify the fact that everything is under control. Meanwhile, they ignore the parts of their life that addiction has decimated.
This is important for family members to understand. Your frustration with watching the person you love deny an obvious problem is valid. But know that most of the time, they deny their problem because they don't realize they have one. Part of recovery and the 12-step program is getting people with addictions to accept that they have a problem.
Honesty = Freedom
Honesty is especially difficult in early recovery. Even when someone sincerely wants to change, years of avoidance and denial don't disappear as soon as substance use stops.
People in addiction often fear honesty because it means facing the damage their addiction caused. Telling the truth brings up guilt, grief, and regret when their emotional coping skills are still developing. Honesty means facing the people they have hurt and the fear that they may not be forgiven.
Honesty takes time. Slowly but surely, people can become more comfortable opening up about their struggles. As they do, they find that they no longer have to spend energy pretending or hiding. They can take full responsibility for their actions and focus on healing. They can discover meaningful and genuine relationships. They can rebuild trust and develop the integrity they need for lasting recovery. It's difficult, but it's the path to ultimate freedom.
Seek Higher Level Support
Honesty is a core value in both men's and women's substance abuse treatment programs. Don't give up on your loved one. As they receive the care they need, they can leave their lies behind and rebuild their integrity.
To help you understand this healing process, seek out a center that offers family support classes. Our Utah addiction treatment centers in the SLC, Logan, and St. George areas are a good place to start. We also provide treatment and family support in Boise, Rupert, Middleton, and Heyburn, Idaho.
